Marked

The air pressure seems to be changing.

My ear is clogged and throbbing.  My brain seems to pressing into my skull right behind my eyes.  I can't stop yawning and I'm quite unfocused.

I'm teaching an adult education class at church right now.  Last night we talked about the missional imagination.  We spoke of the narrowness of our vision, of our inability to see the scope of our Creator God's presence in the world.

One of the questions we wrestled with was where we see God in our lives today.  Tense silence reigned. Finally, one brave soul broke the quiet and said "I don't know if I can actually answer that question." It was a humbling conversation.  These twelve people - some established pillars of the church, some newly Christian - speaking about how they don't know how to spot God in their daily lives.

If I'm honest, I also have a limited, a narrow imagination when it comes to God.  I've got the jargon down.  I can point people to life-giving studies in Scripture.  I can pick a song for a Sunday morning and know it will touch someone's spiritual emotions.  I can sit with someone who needs a listener. I can, I can, I can....

But I've got four different church 'to-do' lists on my desk staring me down.  I'm juggling two jobs, and just making ends meet.  I can barely keep track of my own schedule.  I'm tired and cranky.  I think badly of people and snap when I shouldn't.  I'm more focused on the weekly meal schedule, on being a good roommate, a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, a responsible female leader.  I'm constantly critically reviewing myself so I can be better at my jobs.  I'm attending meetings, celebrating birthdays,  teaching classes, writing reports, preparing for upcoming events, and on and on.

And all I really want to be doing in playing video games.

I don't even take the time to exercise a missional imagination amidst all that.  Who has the time or the energy to watch for God's hand?  Who has the time to give up something or intentionally engage in a spiritual discipline for Lent?  Who has the energy to actively engage in worship on Sunday morning?

There are things to do.  Lattes to be made.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.

It's time for quiet.  For imagination.  For breathing.  For submission.

For repentance and for renewal.

For being marked with ash.